A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100, 000 short.
A New York divorce is in itself a diploma of virtue.
A Roman divorced from his wife, being highly blamed by his friends, who demanded, ''Was she not chaste? Was she not fair? Was she not fruitful?'' holding out his shoe, asked them whether it was not new and well made. ''Yet,'' added he, ''none of you can tell where it pinches me.
Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.
Conrad Hilton was very generous to me in the divorce settlement. He gave me 5, 000 Gideon Bibles.
Divorce is a declaration of independence with only two signers.
Divorce is a game played by lawyers.
Divorce is probably of nearly the same date as marriage. I believe, however, that marriage is some weeks the more ancient.
Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash.
Divorce is the sacrament of adultery.
Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
Every divorce is the result of selfishness on the part of one or the other or both parties to a marriage contract. Someone is thinking of self comforts, conveniences, freedoms, luxuries, or ease. Sometimes the ceaseless pin pricking of an unhappy, discontented, and selfish spouse can finally add up to serious physical violence. Sometimes people are goaded to the point where they erringly feel justified in doing the things that are so wrong. Nothing of course justifies sin.
France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are ''made in America.''
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
I know one husband and wife who, whatever the official reasons given to the court for the break up of their marriage, were really divorced because the husband believed that nobody ought to read while he was talking and the wife that nobody ought to talk while she was reading.
If you think you have trouble supporting a wife, try not supporting her.
It is he who has broken the bond of marriage — not I. I only break its bondage.
It takes two to destroy a marriage.
Like I said, I've got too much respect for women to marry them, but that doesn't mean you can't support them emotionally and financially.